Her Secret Almost Destroyed Her--But Janet Howard Found "The Way" Out

Janet Howard is currently the Administrative Assistant for Colonial Height's Senior Adult and Student Ministry.

She is also a recovering alcoholic. And someone who had, during her darkest times, kept a bottle of vodka in her desk drawer.

While working at the church.

Sober now for over 11 years, Ms. Howard is incredibly open about her addiction, her struggle...and her ultimate salvation. Without hesitation or embarrassment she shares her story and tells us she does so to help others and to act as a witness to God.

"I had been a consistent, heavy drinker for 13 years," Ms. Howard confides. "It's strange because my first time to even taste alcohol was in college. I grew up in a Christian home where it was not to be found, was athletic and never even thought about taking a drink. But during my second year in college I took my first sip and little did I know what that was going to lead to: a long, downward spiral. From then on I had a craving for it," she says. "My grandfather had had a drinking problem, though, so maybe that was who I got it from, I don't really know," Ms. Howard says. "Studies show that alcoholism is genetic but it was certainly nothing I was ever exposed to growing up."

A Greenville native who attended Greenville Christian School, Ms. Howard went on to obtain a basketball scholarship to Mississippi Delta Junior College where she played two years--and where she took that first drink.

What it led to is almost unimaginable. Except that, for so many today, it isn't.

"I drank a pint of vodka a day," Ms. Howard says, "along with a little wine. That is how bad it got," she says. "When I stopped, when I got a sober, I actually got a CARD from my liquor store saying that they missed me! I almost can laugh at that now but it's pitiful, really, and just goes to show how bad off things were in my life. I was there at that store every single day."

Ms. Howard said she would drink all day long--starting early in the morning. Very early.

"Oh, sure," she admits. "Sometimes I would even put vodka in my coffee. It numbed me. I had gone through a divorce during this period, and that was part of it, but I really can't identify--to this day--what exactly I was trying to numb. Honestly, though, I did love that feeling of euphoria, too," she says. "In your mind, you felt so good, even though you were destroying your body. But I would get sick, do stupid things--and still go right back to it the next morning."

Ms. Howard's second and current husband, Johnny, who she married 17 years ago, knew what he was getting into, she says.

"He loved me but he knew about my problem," she says. "He would try his best to help. He would leave little notes where I tried to hide my bottles--Bible verses. He would also write on the notes that he loved and cared for me. That would always make so sad when I would come down off a high because I knew that, not only was I hurting him, I was hurting God. God didn't want me to live and feel this way. I would think I would quit. I'd tell myself that that was it. But by 8:30 a.m. or so the next dsay, I'd pour myself something, and rationalize--'I'll quit tomorrow.' That's how it went for years."

She never got a ticket or a DUI, Ms. Howard says, "but I do remember swiping another a car in the rain while going to pick up my son during a visitation after the divorce--and I kept going. Both my son and husband noticed later but I lied about it. I said I didn't remember."

Ms. Howard also experienced memory lapses, she says.

"Once Johnny said he found me just standing in the garage and I had no idea what I was doing. I would often fall and wake up the next day and not know why there was a gash on my arm or leg," she says.

Yet throughout all of this, Ms. Howard was a professed Christian.

"The sad thing is that, sitting there in church on Sunday morning, I had already had a few drinks," she says. "I'm pretty sure that kind of thing is more prevalent than many of us know. I believe now, as a Baptist, that our bodies are our temples and we should always act as witnesses--in a clear mind. I tell people why even start if you don't drink already? Or why not consider stopping if you do? Why dabble with drugs or alcohol when you know it could possibly take over your life? I personally don't think it sends a good message--to God, to fellow Christians and especially to our young people--to have a drink in your hand."

The breaking point came for Ms. Howard when she had invited her brother and sister-in-law over for dinner one Saturday night.

"Johnny and I went out shopping and I was already feeling 'no pain,' as they say," she recalls. "And he asked me to please not drink anymore before they came over and I promised that I wouldn't but of course, I did. Well, later that day, I drove to the dry cleaners to pick up our clothes for church on Sunday, ironically enough. What I didn't know was that, following me in their car, were my brother and sister-in-law. They noticed me swerving all over the road and that I had run a red light and kept going--how erratic and dangerous I was. I pulled in the driveway at home, with them still right behind me, and Drex--my brother-in-law--came up to me and said, 'It ends today, Janet. It's over.' At the point, I felt like--'Finally!' This was in 2005. My family was brought in and that's when I entered treatment for alcoholism."

Ms, Howard tells us God healed her at the moment she was confronted by her brother-in-law.

"It was on a Saturday night and I entered treatment that next Monday," she says, "but I never experienced D.T.'s or any other symptoms of withdrawal. I think God had taken care of me by then. I entered a rehab center out of town. Insurance covered all but sixteen percent of a $16,000 a month bill--yes, that much--and I attribute all of that to God. The fact that I never relapsed, have never wanted it since. People sometimes don't believe me but the craving went away completely. That was God's doing, pure and simple."

Ms. Howard also says she has had no health problems since she stopped drinking but is careful with certain medications or painkillers because of her prior addiction.

"I'm healed," she says. "God healed me and I've been fine over the past eleven years since I stopped. I rely on God for my strength to continue to lead the sober life,

But He also keeps reminding me of my past struggles to help others," Ms. Howard continues. "I speak to people about my experiences all the time. Christians are human--we can all fall prey to alcohol or drugs or any number of vices. Having said that, I have never felt judged at this church--never. And I don't judge others. I've been there."

Ms. Howard does not attend AA meetings now, she says, because she gets her strength from reading the Bible every single day.

"I just know I'll never do it again--I'll never go back to that life," she says.

Janet Howard's story of faith, perseverance and healing is an inspiring one. As is the fact that she does not shy away from telling it, humiliating details and all. Her remarkable trek from rock bottom to having God as her rock is truly one of faith in action.

(Colonial Heights Baptist Church in Ridgeland sponsored this story.)